I have been struggling for some time with the societal definition of a “Good Woman.” I want to share with you that the struggle ends today. I want to reveal some concerns that many women are afraid to discuss out loud. Why is the role of a woman so broad? Why are we required to do so much? What is the definition of a good woman?
Why is it a woman’s role is defined by her impeccable house keeping skills such as cooking, washing and cleaning, problem solving, and pretending that she has it all together, and yet society and her tribe still expects her to do the same job as a man and provide for her home financially? At the same time, if a man is a “great provider,” there are no expectations on the part of society for him to cook, clean or wash , put the kids to bed, etc. They would shower so much praise on him for “going the extra mile and being such a good father.” I am sick of the double standard.
There are many of us who have to do all these roles quietly. We get a shout-out for Mother’s Day, and then we press on. Mother’s Day is not enough.Women have been taught to criticize and to compete with each other for centuries and to also hold each other up to the same standards.
Society would never question how a man is able to capture the heart of a woman, but they would more than likely question how a woman could be “so lucky” to capture the heart of her man.
The playing field is definitely not leveled. It is hard being a woman. Many women are living other people’s lives and may never be fortunate enough to live for themselves before they leave this earth. They want to, but what would society think of them if they looked out for themselves, pursued their dreams, looked after our mental health, etc.
I have come to realise that for some women, self-love means that you are not a good wife or mother. In actual fact, self-love equals self-care. So many women would not take a break from their children because they feel that their world would fall apart. I remember having to take a break from my very young children by force when I had to go overseas for breast cancer surgery and treatment. It all worked out. They survived.
I am all for women loving and sacrificing for their families. I have been that woman. However, it cannot be done at the expense of our happiness. Our children will leave us eventually. In some cases, the husbands may, too. It is important for us to take stock and prioritize loving ourselves. If we keep giving and giving, the people who we love will keep taking. It is not their fault. We taught them that we are not as important as they are.
The world will continue to treat us like second-class citizens if we keep accepting the treatment. However, it is up to us as women to treat ourselves right. Don’t get sucked into the guilt. For those of us in our mid-40s to 50s, we are the “Sandwich Generation” as we move from taking care of our children to taking care of our parents. When are you going to have a chance to take care of yourself and live your best decade?
If your family truly love you, they will understand that mom or wife needs a break and also deserves to be happy. When was the last time your husband or children looked at you and asked if you were happy? I thought so😎. They assume that taking care of them only makes you happy. I wonder who gave them that idea? You are an exceptional woman because you are putting your families needs before yours. No, that makes you an unhappy woman.
Can you honestly say that the life you are living now is the one you dreamt of? If you cannot say this, then do something about it. Life is short, and you did not come on earth to live someone else’s life. The best parent is a happy one. If you consider yourself a queen, then the only man for you is the one who will treat you as such.
My family vacation just ended, and it was truly enjoyable. (I am sure you have seen the photos on social media) However, what you did not see is me working every single day, sometimes for hours at a time because I have to. I have worked very hard to be the woman that I am today. No one handed me my life on a platter. My brand was built on hard work and some chemotherapy. Too often, as women, after we get married and have children, we forget who we are and how we got here. Never allow anyone to take credit for your hard work. Remember to celebrate yourself daily. Go on a date by yourself. Get your nails done or plan a girls’ trip.
As I write this article, I am also recognizing that I have a lot to be grateful for as a woman, my family, and my career, but I also have had to overcome a lot. My roles are not easy, and I don’t always enjoy them. One thing for sure, I am not trying to impress anyone. I am focused on being authentic and doing what works for me. Any role that does not bring out the fun, happy me, that’s a wrap.
Cheers
Basia Powell
Legend Agent🫶🏽🥰